I think I’ve heard that a hundred times. Or at least three. Yeah yeah yeah.
I thought about the times I’ve been disappointed. Angry. Afraid. Distrustful. When I need to shame crawl on my knees and wipe the slime off my lover and crawl back to my own space, sitting with myself. Well. I always have work to do. Lots of it. It’s really an incredible gift to have these miracles of insight and the days to try to work on them. Change. Your. Self.
My ego, not long ago a solid gold statue, like an Oscar! has shattered to the floor. It wasn’t solid gold! Instead, it was actually made of that weird Styrofoam that breaks into all those tiny balls. The ones that stick to EVERYTHING? They are are impossible to gather and keep sticking electrically to whatever they can. That shit doesn’t give up. That ego structure is a motherfucker.
I keep all the little styrofoam in a container in the front part of my mind. A bit of a tribute to the past.
I remember my sister telling me how, some months after her divorce, she found herself standing in the kitchen alone and said out loud, to herself, “Wow. I really am a bitch!”
I think of this often and laugh every time. The things that don’t work in your life are nobody else’s but your own. You carry your work with you wherever you go. This is a big pill to swallow, but it really is the good news. Because once you realize all the work you have to do, you can release everyone around you. This, the work on expanding and letting go, the work of becoming a more loving and more evolved human being. The work that only YOU can do on YOU, will transform the world around you.
Baby steps, little tiny chicks along the way, the universal power of love, I send to you.
(photo taken on upper east side w iphone)
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