I Am Somebody. I Am Safe.

by admin on October 21, 2010

The reason.  The skinny.  The WHY.

Everything we do, the good, the bad, the embarrassing, the brilliant, we do to accomplish one of two things.

TO FEEL SAFE.  Or.  TO MATTER.

Once I let this sink in, I began to have more empathy.  It blossomed inside of me.  Empathy for myself and for….YOU.

I return to the people, the places, that make me feel one of these two things.  Safe.  Important.

I go to the studio, my legal pad, my computer, because this is where I MATTER.

I attach to my family and friends for the blanket of safety they wrap me in.

Are you doing something that you think is less than stellar?  (Join everyone else on the planet.) What’s at the bottom of it?  Comfort.  Or for the need to feel important?   We all, in varying degrees, sometimes miss the mark of loving ourselves in the best way possible.  I will try never to judge someone else’s  choices.

I don’t think the serial do-gooder gives unselfishly because she is better than you and me.  I think she is generous with her love because what she’s doing makes her FEEL IMPORTANT.  She found a place, an environment, an action, that fills this need for her.  It gives her the I Am Somebody feeling.  (We, as a society, like her choice.)

But other choices don’t look as good. The pregnant teenager on welfare?  No-   She should not get pregnant.  But take a moment to step into her life.  Her heart.  She will hold her baby and feel IMPORTANT.  I can feel her yearning to matter.

Or.  The man with the gun.  He doesn’t feel safe.  (He can’t trust anyone to keep him safe.)  And his human desire, his desperation to find importance, is heartbreaking.  Wrong.  But I feel for him.

When you wake up, and it’s a BRAVE kind of day.  Ask yourself why you do the things you do.  The LESS THAN STELLAR things.

The eating of crap.

The extra drinks.

Keeping yourself SMALL.

That thing you did yesterday?  The one that felt good when you did it, but now makes you feel bad?  Ask yourself WHY.  You need to feel SAFE and IMPORTANT.  Don’t beat yourself up, but wrap yourself in something soft, and imagine a better way.

Change your life with love.

(Special thanks to my friend, Myrna Fleishman, who helped me understand.)

I Am Somebody. I Am Safe.

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Tagged as: love, To Feel Safe, To Matter

  • http://twitter.com/erinlynn76 erinlynn76

    I drank extra drinks last night. I hosted a trunk show for a friend. I felt shy and small. And tired. I just wanted to relax. And I eat crap every day. I need to stop the cycle. I need to IMAGINE A BETTER WAY.

    Love it, Megan. Love YOU. Phenomenal post.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not going to write my bad things here. hahahahahha. You know- I have to keep up some kind of appearances. :) I truly have 2 selves. The confident one. And the scared small one. I know this so well. I love you big time. You have a lot on your plate now- go easy. oxoxoox

  • Anonymous

    I love you. And I love this. And thank you for continuing to grow and learn and share. This is SO on target, and it is why so many of us — well, me — why I try live and live to teach TRUTH and SELF-AWARENESS, emotional awareness. And why I say we’re not four anymore and there’s no longer anyone there who can tell us to stop asking WHY and to just do it — or be it — because they said so. It is so important to understand why we make the choices we make, and being safe and mattering, fitting in, yep, that is THE perfect place to start.

    *BIG HUGS* (imagine me wrapping my arms around you and making you feel important — because to me, you are!)
    Shannon

    P.S. Erin, I love you too. And you freakin’ matter in a HUGE way, too. :-)

    • Anonymous

      Ah! So wonderful that you work with young girls. What a wonderful opportunity to share your gifts. I’d like to do same at some point. I can still pretty much relate to a teenager. :) ) Thank you so much for your support and generosity. Big hug back.

  • http://twitter.com/SunflowerLeila Leila Lloyd-Evelyn

    I am so happy to hear you say this. Because often people mistake being brave and big as being the better and more whole thing to do.

    Whereas you are so, so right – sometimes the call is TO MATTER and sometimes the call is for SAFETY and either are legitimate needs that need to be felt, articulated and expressed if can be.

    Love the clarity with which you have described these needs and qualities. Fab-u-lous!

    It’s been especially helpful for me reading your blog. I realise that in spite of needing huge amounts of emotional safety as a general rule. My blog and the boundaries implicit in art have in the past allowed me to be brave and pass through layers of vulnerability to another truth – and under these conditions I can allow others to see just how human, messy and beautiful I can be.

    Leila xx

    • Anonymous

      Very beautiful! I love your blog. I’m glad my ideas are resonating with you….I love to connect. :)

      • http://twitter.com/SunflowerLeila Leila Lloyd-Evelyn

        oh yayy to awesome connection and inspiration! Thanks gorgeous – totally loving this space that you have created here for yourself and us too!

        x

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  • http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan

    What a fabulous reminder – at least for me – to first view a situation or a person with empathy before passing judgment. You are so right, the pregnant teenager on welfare should not have gone down that path, but she will hold that baby and feel valuable and important. It will validate her existence, one that we can only assume is a struggle. If we could all remember these simple, basic facts – feel safe and to matter – the world might be a much nicer place. Wouldn’t that be grand!!??!!

    • Anonymous

      I know, right?? To try and always come from a place of compassion. I don’t think anyone wants to destructive on pupose….just misguided. Just struggling. xoxo

  • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

    Very good questions! I like them! I’m pretty sure I know why i’m making the craptastic choices I’ve been making… now just to fix them!!

    and like you did in your post – I try to look at others and see things from their point of view and not judge – I don’t judge often (pretty rarely) (I mean Jeffrey Dahmer = judged,etc AND for all scum that hurt children, etc)

    I do believe that love CAN change your life… giving, receiving, being…

    Love you. xoxo

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