I was just thinking about my best friends in Jr High. We were a BADASS threesome, Sally, Monica and I. I don’t know where they are now. (I think I need to find them.) While some of the things we did were actually bad, (bit of vandalism, going into that house and drinking their booze?) But mostly it was harmless bad. We snuck out in the middle of the night. Once taking off all of our clothes and streaking down the middle of the street. It was exhilarating. (If you are old enough you will remember the STREAKING fad.)
We were going to be in a ROCK BAND.
I still fraking want to be in a rock band. (I totally hog the mic when the game comes out.) I am doing my own (only slightly more sophisticated) version of streaking, here on the blog.
You see, my essential shiz is near the EDGE. It just is. That is where I feel alive.
You are You. Then you learn to be good. (CONFORMITY)
(Then you rebel. A little all out naughty?) Then, you grow up and try very hard to RETURN TO GOOD. And you do.
And if you are successful at returning to very very good (This is not a bad thing. It’s a very good state to be in while trying to build a life, raise a family, fit into your society.) …..you better get on your hands and knees and beg to hear the whispers. To be BAD once again.
Because THIS IS GOOD. Your essential shiz calling you. Calling from the inside, begging you to return to yourself.
Don’t turn your back. This is the REAL you.
(Maybe your SHIZ is being a creative, a loner, a MOVEMENT LEADER. Maybe it’s moving to Mexico to make tortillas.)
It feels too large, too solitary at times, this life that wants to be lived through me now. Too intimate, too scary. But I’ve no choice. I can’t go back. I’m an exhibitionist in an introverts body. My calling is to be ME. And I’m calling on you to be YOU.
To find this essential voice, the tenor of it, the shade of it, we have to listen to the calling to return.
Do you remember who you were?
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